He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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