Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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