Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
