I didn't shave. On purpose
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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