I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
