yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
