You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
