Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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