he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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