There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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