i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
