Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
