seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
