Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
