i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
