Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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