You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
