your room smells of hookers.
And success
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
