we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
