I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My feet surprised me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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