this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
