WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
