a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
