May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
