Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
