Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
