VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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