I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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