Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
