I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
