My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
