mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
