Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
