After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
