So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
