So drunk its hurt
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
