He kissed a someone with a penis
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
