took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
