its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
