'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
