he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
