OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
