i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
