I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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