Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
