i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
