Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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