All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
