Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
