Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
