yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
