He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
