i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I believe in your delicious
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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