I'm going to jail i love you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
