Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
