haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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