I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
