cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
