i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
