So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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