im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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