how can u be prego again
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
