She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize