if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
