you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
