Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
