have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
