Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
