When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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