Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dicks are not precious.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
