Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Actions speak louder than pants.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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