We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
