I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
