everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
